The rainbow never sets

I really didn't know what to think about it. In one way I just couldn't imagine Germany losing it, as there was talk about some miracle weapons, on the other hand I remembered what my neighbour on the right had said, that some think that the war was already lost, and that it would be better to stop it here and now.

But I realised that I had been so indoctrinated by the Nazi propaganda, that I was unable to think straight for myself. Or was I just being naive? Or had the isolation at the FLAK battery shielded me from real life? I was confused.

It took a long time for me to recover, as the hole in my head had been large. Another comrade from my ward, who had gone through the same operation as I, pushed me on a trolley to the theatre for the first change of dressing. He had nearly fully recovered, but he still remembered how painful this had been for him. He stayed by my side throughout the whole procedure. This was done without anaesthetic. When the doctor pulled the gauze, it felt like he was pulling out my brains, bit by bit. My mate got hold of my hand, put his inside mine and whispered: "squeeze this as hard as you like", and I did. I will never forget his kindness and compassion. When the wound was completely exposed, the specialist called one of his colleagues to show him his work. He pointed out the depth and how the inner ear could be seen, even some of the brain tissue.

No wonder it had felt like my brain had been pulled out! But my specialist seemed very happy with his operation, and my head got a fresh clean bandage, like a turban. I felt much better afterwards. From then on I made quick progress.

At night the nurse would come around with pills. I was still on sulphur drugs, and for the first week or so I received a needle to help me go to sleep. I literally felt dropping off to sleep, it was so wonderful to be able to forget all the pain. I stayed for three weeks in this special recovery ward. Then I was allowed to get up and that meant, that I had to walk down into the shelter again during air raids. But I didn't mind it then. My one-eyed neighbour on my left took me sometimes for a walk into the garden, where spring had arrived. It was a beautiful place and well cared for. He noticed that he had difficulty estimating the distance with only one eye. He would probably get used to it, but at first he found it most distressing.

Meanwhile the Russians were approaching Berlin. Friends of my parents, who had come from the Baltic states, were packing their bags again and were leaving across the river Elbe. It was rumoured, that Germany would be divided there between East (the Russians) and the West (the Americans, English and French). They were not going to be caught by the Russians. Bitter experience had taught them to fear them more than anyone else. So my parents decided to leave too. They came to say good-bye to me and promised that they would come to get me, once they were settled in another place of refuge.

I felt lonely again, deserted, like the time before Vater had found me.

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