CHAPTER 32

Reflections

Christmas 1990, the first after our retirement, I announced to the family, that I wanted to write my memoirs for them. During 1991 I served the Gosford church as their part time supply minister. I was kept so busy there, that I never had the time to even think about my writing. It was demanding work and drained me more than I had anticipated. I decided afterwards, not to accept any other appointment. When all the family came to Copacabana for Christmas in 1991, I had to tell them that I had not even started on my memoirs yet. A year later, and with the writing still only in my head, George gave me for Christmas a book on how to write your memoirs, plus a folder and writing paper. Well, that did it.

Early in 1993 I started hammering away on my ancient type writer. Then, later on that year, Gunter gave me his old computer. First I had to master it. After a couple of failures, and s.o.s.'s to Leeton, the computer was absolutely marvellous. It made writing and editing so much easier and saved a lot of time. Alison went to England to visit Mother for eight weeks. During that time the book really took off. It has taken me a long time, and had it not been for the urging and prompting from all the family, and the constant support from Alison, this book would have never been finished.

In this last chapter I want to reflect on some of the highlights in my life, and mention some of the issues I feel strongly about. I am who I am because of my personal history. No one episode or experience could explain my character or motivation. All have influenced and shaped me, from my childhood paradise to my retirement. This does not mean, of course, that all events made the same impression on me.

In my early life, one of the most profound scars left on my soul, was the loss of my Heimat, my homeland, which left me with a feeling of being uprooted and lost, not belonging, vulnerable and rejected. When it gradually dawned on me, that I had also lost my brother in the war, I felt that one half of me was also buried back in Poland with him. I grew up with him almost like a twin. Everything was shared. Being my elder brother, I looked up to him for guidance and support, and he was of such caring nature that I could share my innermost thoughts and feelings with him. With him gone I felt abandoned and very lonely. A door inside me closed for ever.

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