Refugee in search of a homeland

met a beautiful girl from the Lyceum (the girl's school) in Halberstadt. Her name was Thea. She had long black hair and was a very lively person. And she danced like a feather. I fell in love with her, head over heels. After the second dance with her, Thea and I just had to be satisfied with exchanging glances. Our hearts were pining for each other, without being able to be together. The ball took its formal course. I couldn't even take her home, as duty bound, I had to stick to the previous arrangements. Had I learnt from the occasion the poem spoke of?

After that, Thea and I saw each other quite frequently, but it wasn't all smooth sailing, as I had to rely on trains or hitch-hiking to get home. This was to change, however, soon.

*

Mally had a cousin in Berlin. His name was Walter Grube. I met him on one of his trips to Emersleben to get some provisions. He invited me to spend a few days in Berlin over the New Year holidays. To get a travelling permit, I had to obtain a certificate from our village chief, who verified that I was a resident of Emersleben and that I had to attend urgent family matters in Berlin. The ticket was issued to Potsdam as it wouldn't have been possible to go directly to west Berlin, where Walter lived. So I stopped a night at Mally's mother near Potsdam, and then travelled on a local ticket to Berlin-Wilmersdorf.

Walter had already booked a place for New Year's Eve, where we went together with Martha, a girl friend of his, later to become his wife, and his mother. For a country boy, Berlin was all glamour and glitz. I was very impressed, but not so sure when we had to walk home in the early dawn. Walter showed me around the western sector of Berlin, which looked so different to the time I had seen it as a FLAK helper towards the end of the war. After a week I returned home, still somewhat dazzled by the glamour of Berlin. For people living in the eastern zone, Berlin with its thriving black market was a shoppers paradise.

In Emersleben, Vater and Mutter had decided that it would be too difficult for me to travel daily back and forth in view of the forthcoming leaving certificate examinations. They found a place for me to board, with another class mate of mine, not far from school. When I heard this I was of course delighted. My first thought was Thea. I would have more time to spend with her.

Frau Starck, our landlady, was very kind to us and tried her best to feed us. But it was still late winter, and there was very little food about. The watery pea soups, with the odd green pea floating about, or its equivalent in the carrot variety, had very little substance. Although my parents would have sent some food to her, it must have been too difficult to fill our empty stomachs. This was the one and only time in my life when I

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